Yes, I am an artist.
“Artist” is a loaded word. Honestly, I practically broke out into a sweat just writing the title of this post. Let’s just say that building the courage to call myself an artist is an ongoing process. I recently visited an exhibit at the Society of Illustrators and I struck up a conversation with the bartender in their upstairs cafe. At one point, he asked me, “Are you an artist?” My gaze immediately shifted to my shoes and I mumbled something vague and barely audible to which he responded, “That means yes.”
I get asked that question a lot. Whenever I’m at an art event or Sid (my husband) happens to mention to someone that I enjoy painting, this question inevitably comes up. In the past, I have waved the idea away. No, no, no, I just paint for fun, I’d say. But I’ve been wondering: why is it so hard to just say yes? Why do I hold this belief that painting for fun excludes me from the entire artist identity?
To answer this question, I’ve done a little delving into the cluttered and often frightening place that is my psyche and these are some of the assumptions that I found lurking there:
Assumption: I need to be making $$$ off of my art.
I have it in my head that I can only claim to be an artist if my art is my main source of income, or at least a source of any income at all, as if other people finding monetary value in my paintings is what classifies them as art.
Assumption: People will think that I think I am a “good” artist.
I take worrying about what other people think to the next level by worrying about what they think I think about myself and my art. For some reason, I feel that by claiming to be an artist, I’m automatically claiming to be the next Van Gogh.
Assumption: I don’t deserve to call myself an artist since I’m not at the skill level at which I would like to be.
I often feel that I’ll be ready to claim my artist identity once I have mastered a certain level of skill or have made a larger collection of finished work that I feel proud of. I measure myself against established artists and find it impossible to place myself in the same category as them.
Assumption: People will want to look at my art and pass judgment.
The most common follow-up question is, “Can I see some of your artwork?” I always feel like I’ve just been asked to strip down to my underwear in a room full of people. I worry that people will take one look at my art and decide for themselves that I’m not truly an artist. This assumption is particularly silly because I know I ask the same question, and it’s always genuinely because I want to learn more about the person I’m talking to. It never comes from a place of judgment, so chances are the same is true of other people.
As you can see, there is a lot to unpack there. When I really look at these assumptions on paper, it feels much easier to realize that they are not hard rules. I can choose to let go of these insecurities and find ways to embrace my identity as an artist. So the next step is to ask myself…
what does it mean to be an artist?
Instead of worrying about not living up to others’ definitions of an artist, I want to tune into what it means to me. I realized that it really comes down to one thing:
I make art and it makes me happy.
That’s it. It does not mean that I have to have a creative career or that I have to be making any money at all with my art. It also doesn’t mean that I have to be making art everyday or that I have to keep beautiful, curated sketchbooks. It doesn’t mean that I have to make art that others find beautiful or valuable. That’s not to say those aren’t things that I currently want or may want in the future; most of them are. However, they do not dictate whether I get to call myself an artist. Other people may have different criteria and they may make their own judgements, but what is more important is that I fully embrace my creative identity with joy and confidence.
To me, being an artist is almost more a way of approaching life: noticing beauty, finding magic in the mundane, being open to moments of wonder, and being led by curiosity. By my own standards, it turns out I am an artist after all!
learning to embrace my identity as an artist
Shifting a mindset is one of the most challenging, yet rewarding changes one can make. It requires a lot of consistent effort. Here are some of the ways I am working on embracing my identity as an artist.
Say it out loud. For example, write a blog post about it (check!). Start saying “yes” when people ask me if I am an artist, no mumbling allowed!
Make art. What a concept! One of the best ways to feel like an artist is to actually break out my supplies and get busy in my sketchbook!
Immerse myself in creative communities. Surrounding myself with other creatives reinforces my own identity. It helps to hear other artists’ perspectives and know that many of them struggle with the same insecurities. Currently, I mostly participate in online communities, but I hope to get more involved with in-person creative communities here in New York.
Read encouragement from other artists. This is sort of related to #3, but I find it very affirming to read encouraging words from other artists that I admire. One of my favorite sources of comfort is writer and artist Mari Andrew’s newsletter.
Embrace the artist in others. It goes both ways. If I want people to be open-minded when it comes to my art and to embrace this part of me, I need to honor the same in other artists.
Share my art. Sharing is scary. There are few things quite as vulnerable as putting your art out into the world for others to see. However, I’ve found that it can also feel empowering! It’s also nice to have a record that you can look back on when you need proof that, indeed, you do make art. That’s why I started Looking for Ladybugs on Instagram a couple of years ago and it’s a big reason why I started this blog.
I’m finally feeling ready to share this side of myself more fully and openly, so this blog is one of the ways that I am saying to myself, to my friends and family, to the universe: Yes, I am an artist. And something tells me you are, too. If you’re looking for a friend to keep you company on your own creative journey, I hope you will make yourself at home here and I would love to hear about what you’re making! Feel free to reach out to me here or find me on Instagram. Happy creating!
Posted July 25, 2022
